Worried Excitement

So, our BIG ULTRASOUND is in five days and last night I lost my shit just thinking about it. I told my mom that there are very few things in life that could insight so much worry and yet so much excitement at the same time. I just don't really know how to deal with it. I cried and cried and cried last night to The OP. He was completely baffled (typical) because he couldn't figure out what was wrong. I am just so wound up with worry over this pregnancy. Every little twinge, ache, discharge (sorry gross I know), pain, etc sends me into the oblivion of freaking out. This ultrasound is no different. We haven't seen the baby since week 11. I haven't heard the heartbeat since week 15. Having a baby with health problems can happen to ANYONE. That's what The OP didn't understand with my worry. He kept saying "why do you think that something is wrong with the baby, like what?" I just told him that I don't THINK anything is wrong with the baby, but it can happen to anyone. There is a little girl, probably about three years old that we often see at a local restaurant that we frequent. She has no legs...her siblings are all 100% healthy, but she has no legs. You know that she was born that way. You know that her parents did nothing wrong to cause this problem...it just happened. That was my point to The OP. I want to be sooo excited about this ultrasound, about this moment in our lives...and I'm going to be. I'm determined to be. BUT, that doesn't negate the fact that it is possible that something is wrong. We have many people praying though, that nothing is wrong. That everything is fine. God has blessed us with this child. We are blessed beyond measure. Please, God bless us with it's health.

Stay tuned for my post about gender craziness...

22 weeks to go!

Tuesday I had an endocrinologist appointment and everything went well. I actually gained weight this time instead of losing. I gained about a lb and a half in three weeks. It's hard to see that scale go up now after it has been going down for so long. Of course, it is moving the right way so we'll see. My blood pressure was perfect and my baby sugars look good. My doctor talked to me about the difference between the baby being big in stature and the baby being big in fatty weight. The OP and I are both very tall so this baby could weigh a lot simply because of genetics. She said that we just need to watch the belly circumfrence and the cheeks because that is where the fat will build up if I'm not controlling my blood sugars correctly. I had never really thought about it in that way before. Of course, if my blood sugars get out of hand then I will be using insulin so things should stay in control.

One of my friends is in labor right now. She's my closest friend that has ever had a baby so I'm nervous for her. I can't wait to hear! She's been on bed rest for the past 3 to 4 weeks due to blood pressure and the baby is around 9 lbs. She's was induced today, but the doctor wasn't making any promises. I can't imagine what it will be like to be at the same stage that she is at. Wow, I get butterflies just thinking about it! Only 22 weeks to go!!!!

Mams & Gig

Weird Title, huh? You'll understand by the end.

So, childcare is something that I've worried about from the beginning. I mean, who doesn't?!? Daycare vs. home care, the cost, the philosophy, etc. So, I just prayed about it and I waited until I was 12 weeks along and then I went into action/plan mode. I wanted to figure it out and quickly. Here was my thing. My cousin, who is four, goes to the same daycare at a church that she has gone to since she was 8 weeks old. Her parents love it, they've never said anything bad about it, she's made friends, her parents have made friends, she goes to preschool there and she's even going to go to kindergarten there. So, I knew that if all else failed I had this place. For some reason, though, I have been hung up on trying to find someone that does child care in their home. I, myself, went to a ladies house. She was awesome. I idolized that woman. I just deep down wanted the same thing for our child. Plus, The OP had some bad day care experiences with D and C so he really wanted to avoid daycare if at all possible. Well, in home child care ladies are hard.to.find. around here. People covet them like gold and you rarely get a name out of anyone. So, basically I knew no one. So, I got on my state licensed provider site, wrote down names and addresses that were convenient to me and went on a mission to drive past everyone of their houses. I did it, but it turns out that I didn't need to. I also went to several other daycares just so that I could objectively weigh my options. I disliked the feel of them all. One place was $190 per week. I about had a heart attack. (I do know that this is normal in some places, but not my place)

So, anyway unknown to me my aunt tells me that one of my cousin's little best friends went to an in home lady before she went to the church day care and she will ask her mom about it. Well, her mom emails me and tells me about this too good to be true woman that keep 4 children at a time in her home, only keeps them until the age of 2 to 2 1/2, and is the wife of a minister. I about lost it for all of the hope that was brimming up in me. So, the mom called the lady for me and put in a good word, apparantly because when I called her to set up a meeting time she was the nicest lady ever and she was excited to hear from me. Shut up, just shut up. I just couldn't believe it.

So, I went to her house and I wish that I had taken someone with me so that someone else could have been witness to how fabulous this woman was. She's a dream that I hope doesn't end. So, we are going with her and of course, there are a few things that are drawbacks, but we decided that the good definitely outweighs the bad. The bad things are that she takes 3 to 4 weeks of vacation per year and we have to pay during two of those weeks, the price is $15 higher than the church daycare, and to reserve our spot we have to pay half the weekly price every week from the time the baby is born until the time the baby starts. You see, she actually has an opening in August, but because we were referred by a past client she's holding our spot until December/January. That's why we have to pay.

Her house is immaculate, each baby has their own room with their own pack n' play and sound machine to nap in, she has an 8' privacy fence around her yard which is equipped with many outdoor toddler toys, when they eat they all eat at the same time with no TV, she loves to read to the babies, her husband often comes home in the afternoons and plays the piano and sings with the babies, and the babies learn to call her Mams and her husband Gig. Mams & Gig. Here's to a fabulous relationship over the next 2 1/2 years. Cheers!

We're still Here!

WOW...I cannot believe that I have let this blog get away from me! I'm vowing to do better! At my last post I was 12 weeks along and still in the thick of the all day long knock me over with a stick sickness. That has FINALLY subsided...just last week. hehe. While I was sick I could barely look at the computer let alone post. Hopefully all of that is behind me now. Also since the end of March I have taken on a new job at work which has kept me v busy. Now that I'm done training I'm getting more of a handle on things, but it's still going to keep me busier than my previous job. I'm enjoying the change, though.

I turned 17 weeks yesterday. Here is what has happened on the baby front since March 26th.

• CHILDCARE...dun duh dunnnnn. This was my nightmare. This was a huge thing that I have been worrying about since pregnancy day 1. Who will watch my child while we are at work. Yes, I have a mother in town and No, she will not watch my child. People are shocked by this fact. First, I don't want her to be a babysitter. I want her to be a nana. There's a huge difference in my mind. Yes, it would save us TONS of money and that alone would almost make it worth it, but she's not willing and we're not asking. So, I found childcare and I'm going to write an entire post about it. All I can say is A-M-E-N
• I saw my endocrinologist in early April (and I will see her again next week) and everything went well. My blood pressure was fabulous at that visit and she was happy with my blood sugars. I asked her the million dollar question - What should I do about the metfor.min? Her answer was that "she couldn't answer that". She said since my sugars were good that I could try to go down to 1000 mg per day. I was so confused and annoyed by this. I know that A LOT of doctors want pregnant women off of it completely after the first trimester. Dr. H says that there's no problem being on it for the duration. So, I was faced with (a) look on the internet and get conflicting answers or (b) just trust the doctor. I went with the doctor (eek) and went down to 2 per day. My sugars got worse, but not drastically. I'm still waiting for the bottom to fall out in that department and for me to have to start insulin. I'm going to admit that I do not test every.single.time.I.should. That kind of worries me. I'm trying to do better, though. I must test no matter what I eat even if I KNOW that it's going to send my sugars high.
• At week 15 I had an appointment with my OB, Dr. C. At that appointment I have lost a total of 21 lbs since the beginning of the pregnancy and had gained none of it back. They were able to find the baby's heartbeat with the doppler. That's some seriously sweet music, isn't it? Everything else was fine. So, then I asked Dr. C about the metformin. She said without a doubt go back to 1500 mg and stay on that for the duration. She promised me the medicine would not affect the baby in any way. So, I'm taking her word for it and there will be hell to pay if she's wrong. I mean what am I supposed to do? Well, going into this appointment I thought that we would be having our ultrasound four weeks from then at our next regularly scheduled appointment, which should have been May 15th. I cringed when my doctor said that we should wait five weeks for the next appointment. I cringed even more when the checkout lady scheduled the ultrasound for May 27th!!! I will be 21 weeks, people. I am dying of anxiousness here. My husband, our family, our friends, every.single.person.we.see is dying to know about this baby. God is teaching us a lesson in patience. He's such a funny guy.
• I'm still sleeping fine at night, BUT my dreams are off the hook. I have never had dreams this vivid, this wild, this ostentatious in my life. They are not always bad dream, but they are constant. All night long. I dream, I wake up to use the bathroom, I dream some more (repeat, repeat, repeat). It almost wears me out. I'm totally astounded by this. It's wild. I really hope that this goes away when the baby gets here.

So, that's the current wrap up. There's lots more that I want to say, but it will have to wait for another post.