Birth Story Cont...

On the way to the hospital I called The OP and various friends. They were all surprised of course, and The OP was trying to get to the hospital as quickly as he could. I was admitted around 2:30 and hooked up to the monitors. The nurses asked me a million questions and input everything into their computer. The entire time I kept waiting for my water to break like at any moment, but of course it didn't. I mean...she did say BULGING. The monitors showed that I was having mild contractions. Again, who knew? Not me.


I had been there for about an hour when Ms. C came in to check me and break my water. When she checked me I was already closer to 5 cm. Then she pulled out the knitting needle. WOW, I had heard stories about this, but you really can't understand until it's happened to you. The needle and her hand go up into the nether regions and she broke my water while holding the baby's head. Fluid just began gushing out. It was a crazy crazy feeling. Then she guided the baby's head slowly to it's resting point as to not allow the cord to prolapse or anything of that nature. Once in a lifetime experience. She informed me that she and Dr. C were here at the hospital and that Dr. C wanted to deliver this baby so she would be in to check on me from now on. As she left I began to immediately have contractions. I couldn't believe how just breaking my water could make things go from zero to 60 in a flash! The contractions were strong and about five minutes apart. I endured them for about 45 minutes when I decided that I was ready for the epidural. I wasn't trying to be super woman! Give me the pain management!!! In my head I was really thinking that I could still be here laboring for another 12 to 24 hours...who knew? No one could predict these things. People around me kept saying the baby will be here sooner than you think. Some of my loved ones were waiting in the waiting room and I kept thinking why are they waiting?? This could take forever!! They could be here all night. I actually felt pressure to have this baby so that it wouldn't inconvenience people. How stupid is that?? I can't believe that I remember feeling that way, but I did. Amazing.


By the time the anesthesiologist came to give me my epidural I was beyond ready. I had never moaned or anything of that nature, but everytime I had a contraction it was excrutiating. It felt like the worst menstrual cramps anyone could ever imagine. It never actually felt like I was making progress, but I guess that I was. Dr. Bennet was the name of the anesthesiologist. He was weird. He didn't make me feel calm at all. I was just thinking...GET THIS DONE AND LEAVE BUDDY!! Oh, and the nurse that I had! Oh she was horrible. I need to back track and talk about her. She was the worst nurse on the face of the planet. This was her FIRST day at this particular hospital so she was in training. The nurse that was training her was trying to help me, but this new nurse was out to "prove herself" and I was her way of doing that. She decided to draw my blood for the lab from my hand! MY HAND!!! It was more excrutiating than the contractions. I will never allow anyone to do that to me again. She, of course, couldn't get enough blood to come out of my hand so then she also had to stick me in the arm. My IV had to stay in my hand. I was furious. I was in so much pain though that I was like gosh if this hurts this much then what will delivery feel like?!?!? She was awful. I couldn't wait for 7 pm to get here so that she would leave and go home and a new nurse would come. So back to the epidural. Very uncomfortable. Not too bad pain wise, just completely uncomfortable. Having a contraction while not being able to breathe because you are curled into a ball around your huge belly while a doctor sticks multiple needles in your back and weirdo nurse is standing in front of you trying to comfort you. Fun Times.

The epidural did not take long to take effect. Pretty soon I couldn't feel a thing. It was great because I had no pain, but at the same time I had NO FEELING. I kind of started to panic because I couldn't move from the waist down. I was helpless. I kept looking at The OP for reassurance and asking him how was I going to push this baby out when I couldn't even move my legs. Everytime a nurse or doctor came in I apologized to them for my lack of ability to move. I'm a retard. Like they didn't see this same thing every day. My curiosity was killing me. How did this work out in the end? How would I be able to deliver a baby? The epidural was like a double edged sword for me. Took away the pain, but also wayyyyy lowered my blood pressure and made me nauseous. Throughout the rest of my labor I threw up about ever half an hour. In between vomits I felt great. Not a problem. Then it would just hit me and I would ask for the throw up thingy and I would dry heave and it would be over. Can I say that I'm sooo glad that the only thing that I had had to eat that day was a bowl of cereal? That completely worked out in my favor....in many ways if you know what I mean. So, the blood pressure thing was pretty serious. Pitocin was put on hold until that was under control. I had to be given several doses of the drug that raises blood pressure before it would go back anywhere near normal. This took about an hour and a half. If that hadn't happened then Sweety Petey would have been born much sooner. I was never really worried about the danger of this blood pressure thing, but I know that it was serious if they couldn't get it reversed.


When my bp was good the nurses got the go ahead to start pitocin. At this point I was at 5 cm and Dr. C came in to attached an internal heart monitor (screws lightly into the baby's scalp and don't let them tell you that it doesn't leave a mark because it definitely did). Then the nurses installed a catheter so that I wouldn't pee all over myself. Each time someone came in to do something to me The OP and a nurse had to move my legs because they were completely dead weight. It was somewhat frightening to especially since I have the tendency to be quite claustrophobic.

From the time that they started pitocin to the time I began to push was not a very long time. I was just expecting this horrible, drawn out delivery, but God had other plans for me. A little before 9:00 pm Dr. C came in to check my progress and I was at 9 cm and she declared that I should begin pushing. They hooked up the calf stirrups on the bed and placed my calves in those and then instructed me to push during the next contraction. I was to pull back on my thighs while I pushed. The OP would hold one foot and my mother would hold the other. The nurses were actually thrilled that I had two people there for the birth so that they wouldn't have to bring in another nurse to hold my foot. I had never thought of it like that. So by this time the epidural had worn down to the point where I could tell that I was having a contraction, but there was no pain. It was like I could feel exactly what was happening to my body (and my baby) but there was no pain from it. I felt some pressure yes but no real pain. I would say that at this point my contractions were still a good three minutes apart. So, I would push when I felt one start. Push as we counted to 10, breath and repeat, breath and repeat and then we would wait for the next contraction. I did this for almost an hour and a half before Sweety Petey was born. At one point during the counting my doctor looked at my mother and told her that she had to quit holding her breath while I pushed because she was afraid that she was going to pass out! It was kind of hilarious because my mom didn't even realize that she was doing that. From then on out my mom would just count along with the nurse. Basically he was stuck behind my pubic bone and I would push and his head would come out so far and then he would retreat back inside. I was making progress but it was just taking a really long time. Meanwhile I was still throwing up. At one point I pushed and threw up and then pushed again right after. The OP told me later that he was really impressed with my skill :)

I would like to talk about the atmosphere in my delivery room while I was pushing. It was AMAZING! Something that I never expected...there was no tension, no fear, just a lighthearted sense of hope and excitement. In between contractions/pushing we would all have a conversation (even me) and The OP or my Dr. would crack a joke and we would laugh. I asked my doctor about her children and a charity that I knew that we were both involved in. After it was all over I felt so unbelievably lucky to have had that experience. I know that not many women get to experience childbirth like that and I just thank God for that blessing. Everyone in the room was so encouraging and helpful. There wasn't a single time where I began to feel like I couldn't get him out and there wasn't a single moment when delivering a healthy baby wasn't my ultimate goal. Dr. C stayed with me the entire time. I could tell that she was tired...this was her 8th baby to deliver in less than 24 hours! Towards the end the nurse pulled up these handles on the bed and told me that I could hold on to those as I pushed and that was soooo much better than holding onto my legs. I wondered if I was going to break them off because I was pulling back so hard on them. As he descended and came closer and closer to being born I began to feel increased pressure and I could tell that I was really making progress. As soon as I had pushed him past my pubic bone I knew what I had done and it was a breeze from there. The doctor and nurse scrambled to set up for the birth and begged me to be very still and not push because he was coming out so quickly that they hadn't had enough time to get ready. As soon as they were ready I pushed, did some half pushes (as my doctor called them) and then there he was. It was such a dream. Dr. C screamed, "open your eyes or you're going to miss it!" I opened them right in enough time to see her catch him from my body, suction his mouth and lay him on my chest.

In my mind I had pictured that by this point I would be bawling, but I wasn't. I did get misty eyed. My mom was bawling, The OP was smiling from ear to ear and he bent to give me a kiss and stare at our son. While he was on my chest I just stroked his face and tried to hold him, but it was like I didn't know exactly what to do. I just stared at him in disbelief about what had just occured. The nurse asked if I was ready for her to take him and I said yes. She took him over to the warmer and scale that were in the room and worked on him. He was absolutely screaming the entire time. From that moment on I was able to pick out his cry from that of any other baby. To me, his cry was so distinct. So...I had just given birth. The doctor sewed up a tear which only required a few stiches. The placenta was delivered easily. There was a lot of pressing around on my stomach. A lot of blood/fluid that I could feel gushing out. It was surprisingly not a messy event, though. The sheeting and the blue pads that the hospital uses were very good at keep things clean and neat. I was really surprised by that. I expected total grossness. Total yuck...but it was nothing like that. I lay in that bed for a while as the nurse finished with Petey (and no that's not really his name) and then she brought him back to us. 7 lbs 5 oz and 19 3/4" long. Perfect scores for his breathing and everything else. He.Was.Perfect. All the months of worrying about this moment were over and I felt absolutely jubilant and burden free.

He was here. He was ours. A product of The OP and me. A product of our love and devotion to one another. Perfect.

How it all came to the climax

At my last appointment at the very end of July my blood pressure was elevated. Let me tell you why. First, throughout this entire pregnancy I got sooo worked up with worry prior to every doctor's appointment. It was seriously rediculous. Well, this particular appointment was at 9:00 a.m. so I just stayed at home and planned to not go into work until after the appointment. So, I'm sitting there chilling trying to calm myself down (to keep my blood pressure down) when a local news brief comes on about a car accident that happened around 6:30 a.m. This accident happened on the same road that my best friend/sister of the heart drives on every single day to go to work. She drives through there around 6:30 every morning. I panicked. I called every number I could think of and I couldn't reach her. Finally the operator at her work connected me to a friend of hers that I know that she works with. I have never met this person, but somehow through my blubbering he was able to understand what I was saying and could tell me that he had just seen her and that she was fine. Yea, after that I had to go to the doctor. Of COURSE my bp was elevated. Anyway, when my doc saw that my bp was elevated she told me that I would be coming in to see her twice a week from that point forward. Once a week for a biophysical profile (u/s) and once a week for an NST (non stress test). Oh, Joy. Needless to say by the end of it all my doc and I were tight because I had been seeing her SO MUCH!

The week after that I went to see the endocrinologist and she wasn't happy with my blood sugar numbers. They weren't bad, they just were starting to creep up. I was put on insulin. A small dose in the morning and evening. What can I say? It was just one more thing. It really didn't bother me because being on insulin just made me feel more assurance that the gestational diabetes wasn't going to adversely affect Petey. Insulin is a natural substance...it actually made me feel a slight bit of relief.

So, August passed and I went in for a doctor's appointment on the Tuesday after Labor Day. It was an afternoon appointment. I went by myself. This was an ultrasound day. I go in, we see the kiddo, his heart rate is good, but he's not moving. She pokes around on my belly, has me move from side to side. Nothing. We do this for about 10 minutes and at the end of that time he does move, but only like once or twice. We didn't see any "practice breathing" happening either. So, I'm trying to not panic...I just figure he's asleep. He had been active all day long until that appointment. Due to the failing grade at the ultrasound we are sent to a room for an NST. I get hooked up (I hate those things) and I hear the now familiar blip blip blip of his heartbeat and I have my buzzer in hand to press every time I feel movement. When the nurse leaves the room I poked around on my belly, shake it all about to try to get him to move. Verrry little movement. Plus his heart rate is lower than normal. The doctor comes in, but it's not my doctor (she had to go perform an emergency c-section). She looks at the strip and is not happy. She says that his heartrate is not accelerating and decelerating like it should be. GRRREAT. She's sending me to the hospital for overnight observation...just to be sure. Complete. and. utter. panic. As I'm walking over to the hospital I call The OP and my mother...I'm bawling. It was not a pretty sight. I KNEW in my heart that the baby was fine, but I was still worried. Thankfully my doctor met me at my room and helped me get hooked up to the monitors. She reassured me. She was great to me. As the nurses began following my monitoring they realized that I was having strong full on contractions! Who knew?!?!?! Not me. So I was given a shot of teburtaline which made me shake like the devil as they said it would. Long story short I spent the night in labor and delivery being monitored all night long. He was a stinkin' acrobat in there all night long. THAT's when I knew that I was going to have a very onery boy on my hands. The next morning we had a high level ultrasound with the perinatologist which we passed with flying colors. Our boy was estimated to weigh 6 lbs 11 oz. Then we were sent home. It was terrifying. The rest of my visits would end up going fine. My induction was set for September 29th. I would be 38 1/2 weeks pregnant.

Umm...Is this thing on?

I have absolutely no idea why I quit updating this blog. I could kick myself for it, I really could. I began this blog so that I could vent my frustrations and also so that I could remember all of the little details of my life that I will otherwise forget in about, ohhh 5 minutes. So, now I have given birth almost 5 months ago and I have written none of it down. Gah! I'm going to do my best to remember. I owe it to my son...yes, my son. That's where my last post left off. I was getting ready for the big reveal. The big Ta Da moment. The OP at the scene of the big reveal.

The Op and I went to the doctor at the end of May. I was so keyed up that all I was thinking about was if there was a healthy baby in there! I barely had time to worry about the gender. In my heart I always knew that there would be a little boy growing in there. I just know that my husband doesn't make girls so I was definitely not surprised when the tech announced the presence of boy parts and then proceeded to give us only five pictures from the ultrasound total...three were of his peepee. Seriously?!? Seriously. I was VERY miffed about that. Little did I know that I would be seeing that same tech again and again and again.

So, we were expecting a boy. The OP was much more excited than I was at first which is surprising considering this is his fourth boy. For me, I had to get used to the idea. It all seemed so surreal to me. One moment I was just expecting a baby and the next moment I was expecting a SON! His name was already picked out...He would have my father's first name and The OP's middle name. We went to the gray tomb (the office) to tell my parents. My father's face was PRICELESS. With one announcement I had made him the happiest guy in the world. He was going to have a grandson. All was right with the world in his eyes. We told everyone else after that and needless to say, no one was surprised. I don't want sweety petey (that's my little pet name for him now) to ever think that people weren't excited for his arrival. It's just that given his father's track record...no one REALLY believed that we would have a girl.

So May ran into June and I started to research what would go in his room, what I would register for, etc. BTW I THOROUGHLY enjoyed registering. I mean I absolutely loooooved it. Just so you know. In June we took a family vacay to FL. Me,The OP, C,D. That is an entire post unto itself. WOW, was that trip a dooozey. In July we cleaned out Petey's room, painted the walls, had the carpets cleaned, and started accumulating baby needs. It was truly a magical time in my life. I would just walk in his room and stare at the crib with my hand resting on my belly. I would just stand there and dream as I soaked it all in. I mean never in my life would I be in that position again. Pregnant with my first child, happily married, feeling good (for the most part), a quiet house around me...I reveled in this time.

During June and July I felt great, really. I was dealing with the gestational diabetes. I still had appointments with the endocrinologist every three weeks, appointments at the doctor ever four weeks. I followed the diet strictly. My blood sugar levels were great. My blood pressure was good, my urine was always clean, great heartbeat each time on the baby. I like to think of these two months as the sweet spot of my pregnancy. Boy were they sweet. My belly was growing, but I was still losing weight. I think that at the peak of my weight loss I had lost around 28 lbs. I did get tired easily and if I had to be up walking around for a long while I would start to feel badly. My stomach would ache and feel tight. It was almost painful. This happened almost daily. At the time I just thought it was normal growing pains. Now as I look back on it I think that I was having braxton hicks all along and didn't really realize it.

Worried Excitement

So, our BIG ULTRASOUND is in five days and last night I lost my shit just thinking about it. I told my mom that there are very few things in life that could insight so much worry and yet so much excitement at the same time. I just don't really know how to deal with it. I cried and cried and cried last night to The OP. He was completely baffled (typical) because he couldn't figure out what was wrong. I am just so wound up with worry over this pregnancy. Every little twinge, ache, discharge (sorry gross I know), pain, etc sends me into the oblivion of freaking out. This ultrasound is no different. We haven't seen the baby since week 11. I haven't heard the heartbeat since week 15. Having a baby with health problems can happen to ANYONE. That's what The OP didn't understand with my worry. He kept saying "why do you think that something is wrong with the baby, like what?" I just told him that I don't THINK anything is wrong with the baby, but it can happen to anyone. There is a little girl, probably about three years old that we often see at a local restaurant that we frequent. She has no legs...her siblings are all 100% healthy, but she has no legs. You know that she was born that way. You know that her parents did nothing wrong to cause this problem...it just happened. That was my point to The OP. I want to be sooo excited about this ultrasound, about this moment in our lives...and I'm going to be. I'm determined to be. BUT, that doesn't negate the fact that it is possible that something is wrong. We have many people praying though, that nothing is wrong. That everything is fine. God has blessed us with this child. We are blessed beyond measure. Please, God bless us with it's health.

Stay tuned for my post about gender craziness...

22 weeks to go!

Tuesday I had an endocrinologist appointment and everything went well. I actually gained weight this time instead of losing. I gained about a lb and a half in three weeks. It's hard to see that scale go up now after it has been going down for so long. Of course, it is moving the right way so we'll see. My blood pressure was perfect and my baby sugars look good. My doctor talked to me about the difference between the baby being big in stature and the baby being big in fatty weight. The OP and I are both very tall so this baby could weigh a lot simply because of genetics. She said that we just need to watch the belly circumfrence and the cheeks because that is where the fat will build up if I'm not controlling my blood sugars correctly. I had never really thought about it in that way before. Of course, if my blood sugars get out of hand then I will be using insulin so things should stay in control.

One of my friends is in labor right now. She's my closest friend that has ever had a baby so I'm nervous for her. I can't wait to hear! She's been on bed rest for the past 3 to 4 weeks due to blood pressure and the baby is around 9 lbs. She's was induced today, but the doctor wasn't making any promises. I can't imagine what it will be like to be at the same stage that she is at. Wow, I get butterflies just thinking about it! Only 22 weeks to go!!!!

Mams & Gig

Weird Title, huh? You'll understand by the end.

So, childcare is something that I've worried about from the beginning. I mean, who doesn't?!? Daycare vs. home care, the cost, the philosophy, etc. So, I just prayed about it and I waited until I was 12 weeks along and then I went into action/plan mode. I wanted to figure it out and quickly. Here was my thing. My cousin, who is four, goes to the same daycare at a church that she has gone to since she was 8 weeks old. Her parents love it, they've never said anything bad about it, she's made friends, her parents have made friends, she goes to preschool there and she's even going to go to kindergarten there. So, I knew that if all else failed I had this place. For some reason, though, I have been hung up on trying to find someone that does child care in their home. I, myself, went to a ladies house. She was awesome. I idolized that woman. I just deep down wanted the same thing for our child. Plus, The OP had some bad day care experiences with D and C so he really wanted to avoid daycare if at all possible. Well, in home child care ladies are hard.to.find. around here. People covet them like gold and you rarely get a name out of anyone. So, basically I knew no one. So, I got on my state licensed provider site, wrote down names and addresses that were convenient to me and went on a mission to drive past everyone of their houses. I did it, but it turns out that I didn't need to. I also went to several other daycares just so that I could objectively weigh my options. I disliked the feel of them all. One place was $190 per week. I about had a heart attack. (I do know that this is normal in some places, but not my place)

So, anyway unknown to me my aunt tells me that one of my cousin's little best friends went to an in home lady before she went to the church day care and she will ask her mom about it. Well, her mom emails me and tells me about this too good to be true woman that keep 4 children at a time in her home, only keeps them until the age of 2 to 2 1/2, and is the wife of a minister. I about lost it for all of the hope that was brimming up in me. So, the mom called the lady for me and put in a good word, apparantly because when I called her to set up a meeting time she was the nicest lady ever and she was excited to hear from me. Shut up, just shut up. I just couldn't believe it.

So, I went to her house and I wish that I had taken someone with me so that someone else could have been witness to how fabulous this woman was. She's a dream that I hope doesn't end. So, we are going with her and of course, there are a few things that are drawbacks, but we decided that the good definitely outweighs the bad. The bad things are that she takes 3 to 4 weeks of vacation per year and we have to pay during two of those weeks, the price is $15 higher than the church daycare, and to reserve our spot we have to pay half the weekly price every week from the time the baby is born until the time the baby starts. You see, she actually has an opening in August, but because we were referred by a past client she's holding our spot until December/January. That's why we have to pay.

Her house is immaculate, each baby has their own room with their own pack n' play and sound machine to nap in, she has an 8' privacy fence around her yard which is equipped with many outdoor toddler toys, when they eat they all eat at the same time with no TV, she loves to read to the babies, her husband often comes home in the afternoons and plays the piano and sings with the babies, and the babies learn to call her Mams and her husband Gig. Mams & Gig. Here's to a fabulous relationship over the next 2 1/2 years. Cheers!

We're still Here!

WOW...I cannot believe that I have let this blog get away from me! I'm vowing to do better! At my last post I was 12 weeks along and still in the thick of the all day long knock me over with a stick sickness. That has FINALLY subsided...just last week. hehe. While I was sick I could barely look at the computer let alone post. Hopefully all of that is behind me now. Also since the end of March I have taken on a new job at work which has kept me v busy. Now that I'm done training I'm getting more of a handle on things, but it's still going to keep me busier than my previous job. I'm enjoying the change, though.

I turned 17 weeks yesterday. Here is what has happened on the baby front since March 26th.

• CHILDCARE...dun duh dunnnnn. This was my nightmare. This was a huge thing that I have been worrying about since pregnancy day 1. Who will watch my child while we are at work. Yes, I have a mother in town and No, she will not watch my child. People are shocked by this fact. First, I don't want her to be a babysitter. I want her to be a nana. There's a huge difference in my mind. Yes, it would save us TONS of money and that alone would almost make it worth it, but she's not willing and we're not asking. So, I found childcare and I'm going to write an entire post about it. All I can say is A-M-E-N
• I saw my endocrinologist in early April (and I will see her again next week) and everything went well. My blood pressure was fabulous at that visit and she was happy with my blood sugars. I asked her the million dollar question - What should I do about the metfor.min? Her answer was that "she couldn't answer that". She said since my sugars were good that I could try to go down to 1000 mg per day. I was so confused and annoyed by this. I know that A LOT of doctors want pregnant women off of it completely after the first trimester. Dr. H says that there's no problem being on it for the duration. So, I was faced with (a) look on the internet and get conflicting answers or (b) just trust the doctor. I went with the doctor (eek) and went down to 2 per day. My sugars got worse, but not drastically. I'm still waiting for the bottom to fall out in that department and for me to have to start insulin. I'm going to admit that I do not test every.single.time.I.should. That kind of worries me. I'm trying to do better, though. I must test no matter what I eat even if I KNOW that it's going to send my sugars high.
• At week 15 I had an appointment with my OB, Dr. C. At that appointment I have lost a total of 21 lbs since the beginning of the pregnancy and had gained none of it back. They were able to find the baby's heartbeat with the doppler. That's some seriously sweet music, isn't it? Everything else was fine. So, then I asked Dr. C about the metformin. She said without a doubt go back to 1500 mg and stay on that for the duration. She promised me the medicine would not affect the baby in any way. So, I'm taking her word for it and there will be hell to pay if she's wrong. I mean what am I supposed to do? Well, going into this appointment I thought that we would be having our ultrasound four weeks from then at our next regularly scheduled appointment, which should have been May 15th. I cringed when my doctor said that we should wait five weeks for the next appointment. I cringed even more when the checkout lady scheduled the ultrasound for May 27th!!! I will be 21 weeks, people. I am dying of anxiousness here. My husband, our family, our friends, every.single.person.we.see is dying to know about this baby. God is teaching us a lesson in patience. He's such a funny guy.
• I'm still sleeping fine at night, BUT my dreams are off the hook. I have never had dreams this vivid, this wild, this ostentatious in my life. They are not always bad dream, but they are constant. All night long. I dream, I wake up to use the bathroom, I dream some more (repeat, repeat, repeat). It almost wears me out. I'm totally astounded by this. It's wild. I really hope that this goes away when the baby gets here.

So, that's the current wrap up. There's lots more that I want to say, but it will have to wait for another post.

12 weeks

12 WEEKS!!! Today the little life is 12 weeks along. For some reason, in my mind this is a big milestone. It makes me happy to be able to say, "Yes, I'm 12 weeks along".

I'm feeling better today. Yesterday, not so much. So, we will see. Maybe this is the beginning of the end of all that.

I've begun my day care search. It seems like really early to be doing that, but what I'm hearing from actual day cares is that their wait lists are miles long and that there is no such thing as "too early". My feelings on this issue is that I would really really like to bring the baby to work with me until March 1st of 2009 and then I would like to keep the baby at an in home place until 2 years of age. Then I would like to switch to a day care/pre school. You know, in my perfect world. So, I got on my states child whatever website and got a list of certified or licensed home child care givers and I stalked them yesterday after work. Literally. I got all of their addresses. I mapped out my route and I went and looked at their houses. I figure that I weeded out about four of the candidates just by looking at their house. It was interesting.

So, I'm going to call those ladies and I'm going to call several day cares as well. Because, well, I just don't know if I can leave my baby with someone that I don't know. NOT that I know the day care but it's just different.

My penchant for in home child care (in their home, not my home) stems from my own childhood. I went to this lady's house and I still idolize this woman to this day. I loved her, my mother loved her. There was no germy day care. No run of the mill teacher. Just a few kids in a ladies house who really enjoyed watching children. She used to dress us up, fix my hair, make our halloween costumes. I wish that I could find that for our baby. I'm being realistic though. This is not the same day and time as 26 years ago. Times change. I just don't think that I'm going to find it. I really don't even know if we can afford an in home person.

I'm scared to make these phone calls. I'm such a pansy. Seriously. I'm nervous about it. I just figure, though, that if someone is snotty to me then I will just cross them off of my list. I'm not going to deal with snotty when it comes to my child. That's right. Oh...SNAP!