The day that God's Grace truly shined upon me.

The Birth Story...

On September 16th I went in for my first visit of the week and had an ultrasound. Sweetey Petey was moving around nicely, he was practicing his breathing, and my fluid levels were still great. I distinctly remember asking the tech if the tech can ever tell if the baby has begun to descend into the birth canal. She told me that yes there are times that she cannot see part of the babies head due to it being in the birth canal. My baby, she said had not started to descend. So, I left that day with all of the rest of my visits scheduled and my eye on the prize. September 29th/30th we would meet our little guy. On the 19th I came in to have an NST. It was an absolutely beautiful late summer day. I was feeling good. I was pretty much dreading the NST just because of fear that the little guy wouldn't be behaving. My mother was with me and we had a nice chat in the waiting room. It was a glorious day. We had plans for the weekend and I had last minute baby things that I wanted to get done. The NST went well. I poked and prodded and jiggled my belly enough so that Petey was moving all around and his heart rate seemed great. The mid-wife Ms. C came into check the strip because Dr. C had just been called to an emergency c-section. The strip was great so she took me off the monitor. She asked me how I was feeling. My blood pressure had been super that day and my urine had been clean...Yay! She looked at my chart and noticed that I was 37 weeks exactly that day and announced that their policy is to start checking for progress at 37 weeks. I kind of humphed to myself...I believed that this was needless because there was no way that I had dilated whatsoever. So I stripped down for the torture. It hurt like the dickens. I had no idea that one woman could shove her entire hand SO FAR up into my lady parts! Seriously. It also seemed like she was really taking her time up there. She kept apologizing for taking so long. I just kept gritting my teeth and holding my breath. She pulled her hand out and it was covered in blood which really surprised me. I have no idea if that was normal or not. She said, "When did you say your induction was scheduled for?" I said the 29th. She said, "Well, you are definitely not going to make it until then. You are at 4 cm and your bag of waters is bulging. We are going to send you over to the hospital to have this baby. You are in luck because Dr. C and I are both on call today and this entire weekend so we will be there for you." I wish that I could have seen the look on my own face. Shock is not even the word. I almost didn't follow what she was saying. Having this baby today?!?!?! Seriously?!?!? Already at 4 cm?!??! Water bulging?!?! You had to be kidding me. No one has it this easy for the first baby. I had had a semi-difficult pregnancy...I never dreamed that I would hit the labor and delivery lotto. Ms. C said it all so calmly to me. Like it was just a walk in the park. My mother's face was priceless as well. I stuttered around not even able to form a sentence. My mind was racing, my heart was racing. I remember saying something like, "You're serious? I'm having this baby right now...today?" She informed me that she would call next door to the hospital and let them know that I was coming. They would get me settled and hooked up to the monitors and then she or Dr. C would be in to check me again and break my water. Then the labor would progress from there. Ummm ok?! I was truly speechless. She reassured me a little more and I brought up the fact that Dr. C had said that if this baby was estimated to weigh more than 8 1/2 lbs. that I would have a c-section no questions asked. She asked me if I would feel better if I had an ultra sound right then to check things out. I said yes so she told me to get dressed and go directly down to the ultra sound room. My mom and I just stared at each other. She was glowing. It was a magical moment. Umm, mom, The OP is an hour away working and dad is three hours away at our family farm which has little to no cell service. So she went out of the room while I got dressed and started to make phone calls.

During the ultra sound the baby was moving well, practicing his breathing, and had a good heart rate. The tech (who I knew very well by now!) was so excited for me. She said that she couldn't believe how lucky I was to have this happen with my very first baby. She was beaming for me. It was so nice of her. She measured everything twice and estimated the baby at just below 7 lbs. I was good to go. I was relieved. I had made peace with whatever delivery good might hand me. I wasn't afraid of surgery, but I also wasn't afraid of labor. I almost wished for labor. It's just a woman thing I guess. Like I wanted to say that I had lived through it. Been in the trenches.

I remember shaking uncontrollably from the anticipation of it all. I wasn't scared. I felt peace. I had prayed so much and God was answering my prayers. Throughout my pregnancy I had repeated two things to myself multiple times a day.
1) To remember that I have nothing to fear in this life because God is with me always.
2) God tells us to have courage without fear.
God was there with me in that room. Spurring me toward the delivery room. Holding my hand...wrapping his arms around my child. Keeping us safe. Giving me the courage to do this. To quit worrying about the potential what-ifs, the potential problems. I felt peace and that peace would see me through the delivery of my son.

So I took a deep breath. Then I had the courage to get up. I had the courage to make the phone calls that I needed to make. I had courage as I was admitted to the hospital. I had courage as I labored. And God's Grace shined upon me as I delivered my son.

Details will be in the next post.

How it all came to the climax

At my last appointment at the very end of July my blood pressure was elevated. Let me tell you why. First, throughout this entire pregnancy I got sooo worked up with worry prior to every doctor's appointment. It was seriously rediculous. Well, this particular appointment was at 9:00 a.m. so I just stayed at home and planned to not go into work until after the appointment. So, I'm sitting there chilling trying to calm myself down (to keep my blood pressure down) when a local news brief comes on about a car accident that happened around 6:30 a.m. This accident happened on the same road that my best friend/sister of the heart drives on every single day to go to work. She drives through there around 6:30 every morning. I panicked. I called every number I could think of and I couldn't reach her. Finally the operator at her work connected me to a friend of hers that I know that she works with. I have never met this person, but somehow through my blubbering he was able to understand what I was saying and could tell me that he had just seen her and that she was fine. Yea, after that I had to go to the doctor. Of COURSE my bp was elevated. Anyway, when my doc saw that my bp was elevated she told me that I would be coming in to see her twice a week from that point forward. Once a week for a biophysical profile (u/s) and once a week for an NST (non stress test). Oh, Joy. Needless to say by the end of it all my doc and I were tight because I had been seeing her SO MUCH!

The week after that I went to see the endocrinologist and she wasn't happy with my blood sugar numbers. They weren't bad, they just were starting to creep up. I was put on insulin. A small dose in the morning and evening. What can I say? It was just one more thing. It really didn't bother me because being on insulin just made me feel more assurance that the gestational diabetes wasn't going to adversely affect Petey. Insulin is a natural substance...it actually made me feel a slight bit of relief.

So, August passed and I went in for a doctor's appointment on the Tuesday after Labor Day. It was an afternoon appointment. I went by myself. This was an ultrasound day. I go in, we see the kiddo, his heart rate is good, but he's not moving. She pokes around on my belly, has me move from side to side. Nothing. We do this for about 10 minutes and at the end of that time he does move, but only like once or twice. We didn't see any "practice breathing" happening either. So, I'm trying to not panic...I just figure he's asleep. He had been active all day long until that appointment. Due to the failing grade at the ultrasound we are sent to a room for an NST. I get hooked up (I hate those things) and I hear the now familiar blip blip blip of his heartbeat and I have my buzzer in hand to press every time I feel movement. When the nurse leaves the room I poked around on my belly, shake it all about to try to get him to move. Verrry little movement. Plus his heart rate is lower than normal. The doctor comes in, but it's not my doctor (she had to go perform an emergency c-section). She looks at the strip and is not happy. She says that his heartrate is not accelerating and decelerating like it should be. GRRREAT. She's sending me to the hospital for overnight observation...just to be sure. Complete. and. utter. panic. As I'm walking over to the hospital I call The OP and my mother...I'm bawling. It was not a pretty sight. I KNEW in my heart that the baby was fine, but I was still worried. Thankfully my doctor met me at my room and helped me get hooked up to the monitors. She reassured me. She was great to me. As the nurses began following my monitoring they realized that I was having strong full on contractions! Who knew?!?!?! Not me. So I was given a shot of teburtaline which made me shake like the devil as they said it would. Long story short I spent the night in labor and delivery being monitored all night long. He was a stinkin' acrobat in there all night long. THAT's when I knew that I was going to have a very onery boy on my hands. The next morning we had a high level ultrasound with the perinatologist which we passed with flying colors. Our boy was estimated to weigh 6 lbs 11 oz. Then we were sent home. It was terrifying. The rest of my visits would end up going fine. My induction was set for September 29th. I would be 38 1/2 weeks pregnant.

Umm...Is this thing on?

I have absolutely no idea why I quit updating this blog. I could kick myself for it, I really could. I began this blog so that I could vent my frustrations and also so that I could remember all of the little details of my life that I will otherwise forget in about, ohhh 5 minutes. So, now I have given birth almost 5 months ago and I have written none of it down. Gah! I'm going to do my best to remember. I owe it to my son...yes, my son. That's where my last post left off. I was getting ready for the big reveal. The big Ta Da moment. The OP at the scene of the big reveal.

The Op and I went to the doctor at the end of May. I was so keyed up that all I was thinking about was if there was a healthy baby in there! I barely had time to worry about the gender. In my heart I always knew that there would be a little boy growing in there. I just know that my husband doesn't make girls so I was definitely not surprised when the tech announced the presence of boy parts and then proceeded to give us only five pictures from the ultrasound total...three were of his peepee. Seriously?!? Seriously. I was VERY miffed about that. Little did I know that I would be seeing that same tech again and again and again.

So, we were expecting a boy. The OP was much more excited than I was at first which is surprising considering this is his fourth boy. For me, I had to get used to the idea. It all seemed so surreal to me. One moment I was just expecting a baby and the next moment I was expecting a SON! His name was already picked out...He would have my father's first name and The OP's middle name. We went to the gray tomb (the office) to tell my parents. My father's face was PRICELESS. With one announcement I had made him the happiest guy in the world. He was going to have a grandson. All was right with the world in his eyes. We told everyone else after that and needless to say, no one was surprised. I don't want sweety petey (that's my little pet name for him now) to ever think that people weren't excited for his arrival. It's just that given his father's track record...no one REALLY believed that we would have a girl.

So May ran into June and I started to research what would go in his room, what I would register for, etc. BTW I THOROUGHLY enjoyed registering. I mean I absolutely loooooved it. Just so you know. In June we took a family vacay to FL. Me,The OP, C,D. That is an entire post unto itself. WOW, was that trip a dooozey. In July we cleaned out Petey's room, painted the walls, had the carpets cleaned, and started accumulating baby needs. It was truly a magical time in my life. I would just walk in his room and stare at the crib with my hand resting on my belly. I would just stand there and dream as I soaked it all in. I mean never in my life would I be in that position again. Pregnant with my first child, happily married, feeling good (for the most part), a quiet house around me...I reveled in this time.

During June and July I felt great, really. I was dealing with the gestational diabetes. I still had appointments with the endocrinologist every three weeks, appointments at the doctor ever four weeks. I followed the diet strictly. My blood sugar levels were great. My blood pressure was good, my urine was always clean, great heartbeat each time on the baby. I like to think of these two months as the sweet spot of my pregnancy. Boy were they sweet. My belly was growing, but I was still losing weight. I think that at the peak of my weight loss I had lost around 28 lbs. I did get tired easily and if I had to be up walking around for a long while I would start to feel badly. My stomach would ache and feel tight. It was almost painful. This happened almost daily. At the time I just thought it was normal growing pains. Now as I look back on it I think that I was having braxton hicks all along and didn't really realize it.

Worried Excitement

So, our BIG ULTRASOUND is in five days and last night I lost my shit just thinking about it. I told my mom that there are very few things in life that could insight so much worry and yet so much excitement at the same time. I just don't really know how to deal with it. I cried and cried and cried last night to The OP. He was completely baffled (typical) because he couldn't figure out what was wrong. I am just so wound up with worry over this pregnancy. Every little twinge, ache, discharge (sorry gross I know), pain, etc sends me into the oblivion of freaking out. This ultrasound is no different. We haven't seen the baby since week 11. I haven't heard the heartbeat since week 15. Having a baby with health problems can happen to ANYONE. That's what The OP didn't understand with my worry. He kept saying "why do you think that something is wrong with the baby, like what?" I just told him that I don't THINK anything is wrong with the baby, but it can happen to anyone. There is a little girl, probably about three years old that we often see at a local restaurant that we frequent. She has no legs...her siblings are all 100% healthy, but she has no legs. You know that she was born that way. You know that her parents did nothing wrong to cause this problem...it just happened. That was my point to The OP. I want to be sooo excited about this ultrasound, about this moment in our lives...and I'm going to be. I'm determined to be. BUT, that doesn't negate the fact that it is possible that something is wrong. We have many people praying though, that nothing is wrong. That everything is fine. God has blessed us with this child. We are blessed beyond measure. Please, God bless us with it's health.

Stay tuned for my post about gender craziness...

22 weeks to go!

Tuesday I had an endocrinologist appointment and everything went well. I actually gained weight this time instead of losing. I gained about a lb and a half in three weeks. It's hard to see that scale go up now after it has been going down for so long. Of course, it is moving the right way so we'll see. My blood pressure was perfect and my baby sugars look good. My doctor talked to me about the difference between the baby being big in stature and the baby being big in fatty weight. The OP and I are both very tall so this baby could weigh a lot simply because of genetics. She said that we just need to watch the belly circumfrence and the cheeks because that is where the fat will build up if I'm not controlling my blood sugars correctly. I had never really thought about it in that way before. Of course, if my blood sugars get out of hand then I will be using insulin so things should stay in control.

One of my friends is in labor right now. She's my closest friend that has ever had a baby so I'm nervous for her. I can't wait to hear! She's been on bed rest for the past 3 to 4 weeks due to blood pressure and the baby is around 9 lbs. She's was induced today, but the doctor wasn't making any promises. I can't imagine what it will be like to be at the same stage that she is at. Wow, I get butterflies just thinking about it! Only 22 weeks to go!!!!

We're still Here!

WOW...I cannot believe that I have let this blog get away from me! I'm vowing to do better! At my last post I was 12 weeks along and still in the thick of the all day long knock me over with a stick sickness. That has FINALLY subsided...just last week. hehe. While I was sick I could barely look at the computer let alone post. Hopefully all of that is behind me now. Also since the end of March I have taken on a new job at work which has kept me v busy. Now that I'm done training I'm getting more of a handle on things, but it's still going to keep me busier than my previous job. I'm enjoying the change, though.

I turned 17 weeks yesterday. Here is what has happened on the baby front since March 26th.

• CHILDCARE...dun duh dunnnnn. This was my nightmare. This was a huge thing that I have been worrying about since pregnancy day 1. Who will watch my child while we are at work. Yes, I have a mother in town and No, she will not watch my child. People are shocked by this fact. First, I don't want her to be a babysitter. I want her to be a nana. There's a huge difference in my mind. Yes, it would save us TONS of money and that alone would almost make it worth it, but she's not willing and we're not asking. So, I found childcare and I'm going to write an entire post about it. All I can say is A-M-E-N
• I saw my endocrinologist in early April (and I will see her again next week) and everything went well. My blood pressure was fabulous at that visit and she was happy with my blood sugars. I asked her the million dollar question - What should I do about the metfor.min? Her answer was that "she couldn't answer that". She said since my sugars were good that I could try to go down to 1000 mg per day. I was so confused and annoyed by this. I know that A LOT of doctors want pregnant women off of it completely after the first trimester. Dr. H says that there's no problem being on it for the duration. So, I was faced with (a) look on the internet and get conflicting answers or (b) just trust the doctor. I went with the doctor (eek) and went down to 2 per day. My sugars got worse, but not drastically. I'm still waiting for the bottom to fall out in that department and for me to have to start insulin. I'm going to admit that I do not test every.single.time.I.should. That kind of worries me. I'm trying to do better, though. I must test no matter what I eat even if I KNOW that it's going to send my sugars high.
• At week 15 I had an appointment with my OB, Dr. C. At that appointment I have lost a total of 21 lbs since the beginning of the pregnancy and had gained none of it back. They were able to find the baby's heartbeat with the doppler. That's some seriously sweet music, isn't it? Everything else was fine. So, then I asked Dr. C about the metformin. She said without a doubt go back to 1500 mg and stay on that for the duration. She promised me the medicine would not affect the baby in any way. So, I'm taking her word for it and there will be hell to pay if she's wrong. I mean what am I supposed to do? Well, going into this appointment I thought that we would be having our ultrasound four weeks from then at our next regularly scheduled appointment, which should have been May 15th. I cringed when my doctor said that we should wait five weeks for the next appointment. I cringed even more when the checkout lady scheduled the ultrasound for May 27th!!! I will be 21 weeks, people. I am dying of anxiousness here. My husband, our family, our friends, every.single.person.we.see is dying to know about this baby. God is teaching us a lesson in patience. He's such a funny guy.
• I'm still sleeping fine at night, BUT my dreams are off the hook. I have never had dreams this vivid, this wild, this ostentatious in my life. They are not always bad dream, but they are constant. All night long. I dream, I wake up to use the bathroom, I dream some more (repeat, repeat, repeat). It almost wears me out. I'm totally astounded by this. It's wild. I really hope that this goes away when the baby gets here.

So, that's the current wrap up. There's lots more that I want to say, but it will have to wait for another post.

12 weeks

12 WEEKS!!! Today the little life is 12 weeks along. For some reason, in my mind this is a big milestone. It makes me happy to be able to say, "Yes, I'm 12 weeks along".

I'm feeling better today. Yesterday, not so much. So, we will see. Maybe this is the beginning of the end of all that.

I've begun my day care search. It seems like really early to be doing that, but what I'm hearing from actual day cares is that their wait lists are miles long and that there is no such thing as "too early". My feelings on this issue is that I would really really like to bring the baby to work with me until March 1st of 2009 and then I would like to keep the baby at an in home place until 2 years of age. Then I would like to switch to a day care/pre school. You know, in my perfect world. So, I got on my states child whatever website and got a list of certified or licensed home child care givers and I stalked them yesterday after work. Literally. I got all of their addresses. I mapped out my route and I went and looked at their houses. I figure that I weeded out about four of the candidates just by looking at their house. It was interesting.

So, I'm going to call those ladies and I'm going to call several day cares as well. Because, well, I just don't know if I can leave my baby with someone that I don't know. NOT that I know the day care but it's just different.

My penchant for in home child care (in their home, not my home) stems from my own childhood. I went to this lady's house and I still idolize this woman to this day. I loved her, my mother loved her. There was no germy day care. No run of the mill teacher. Just a few kids in a ladies house who really enjoyed watching children. She used to dress us up, fix my hair, make our halloween costumes. I wish that I could find that for our baby. I'm being realistic though. This is not the same day and time as 26 years ago. Times change. I just don't think that I'm going to find it. I really don't even know if we can afford an in home person.

I'm scared to make these phone calls. I'm such a pansy. Seriously. I'm nervous about it. I just figure, though, that if someone is snotty to me then I will just cross them off of my list. I'm not going to deal with snotty when it comes to my child. That's right. Oh...SNAP!

11-ish weeks

Last Friday I had another appointment. I was a little over 11 weeks along and the doctor couldn't get the heartbeat with the doppler. Of course, I freaked out. The time between her telling me that and the ultrasound that followed seemed to be suspended in space. Like I didn't breathe for that entire time. My mind was racing. My heart was pumping. I will be eternally grateful that my mother was there with me. I stayed calm because of her. The ultrasound tech found the baby right away, heartbeat 164. I could breath again. Everything looked great and we got a new picture. I was bawling. She told me that my uterus is tilted toward my back and that because of this we wouldn't be able to hear the heartbeat with the doppler this early. Wow. Nothing like that situation to make you realize how much you already love this child. This little person growing inside of you. Amazing.

So, my next appointment is at 15 weeks and then 19 weeks will be the big deal, hold your breath scan. I can't even imagine my emotions on that day. Praying for a healthy report, anxious to hear boy or girl. So many mixed emotions on that day. I'm just glad that I have it to look forward to. SUCH a blessing.

Other than that I lost another 4 lbs (I'm down 17 lbs from Day 1 of pregnancy). My bp was fine. I have a urinary tract infection. I have never had one of those in my entire life. I have no symptoms, but it's there so it looks like there will be more medicine for me for the next week. Woohoo.

In the land of baby sugars mine seem pretty ok. Last week I only had one that was out of whack and that was courtesy of a nice big Chipotle burrito. Bad Jen...bad bad girl. It's just that my doctor says don't loose anymore weight well, I can't gain weight and eat the recommended amount of carbs. So, for one meal I splurged. poo on you. I will probably get chewed out for it. I'M TRYING HERE PEOPLE!!!

So, now that I'm almost 12 weeks...I'm really excited. I feel like I can embrace planning for the baby. Looking for furniture, touring different day cares, investing in this baby. INVESTING. Big word, lots of meaning.

Here Still...

I just haven't been posting much because I haven't felt like it. I'm still feeling pretty badly. My Doctor gave me some medicine and it works some of the time, but not all. I'm almost 11 weeks and I'm just praying that this ends soon. It really effects me when I'm at work. It's like my body knows when I get up on a weekday that I'm going to work and it should feel bad and ruin my day. I honestly think that it has some to do with working on the computer and reading, etc. I don't know. It's becoming obvious that I'm just not one of those women that deals well with pregnancy. I'm just hoping that things don't get worse and I'm hoping for a third quarter rally during the third trimester that brings the baby safely into our arms in October.

On the positive side of things, I've lost 12 lbs and my blood sugars are good as is my blood pressure. I'm sincerely hoping that all of that stays that way.

I feel blessed beyond measure to be carrying this baby inside of me. It is still surreal. My life has changed so much in the past 11 weeks. It is an amazing feeling. I go to the doctor Friday and hopefully we will be able to hear the heartbeat with a doppler. If everything is ok then I'm going to start to move forward with more baby planning fun.

That's all I've got for now. I'm just here...hoping and praying.

Weekend Wrap up

Lens Vesicle, Nasal Pit, Hand Plate Begin
•••••
SIZE: 11.0 - 14.0 mmTIME PERIOD: 44 - 48 days post-ovulation

Head and NeckNerve plexuses (network of intersecting nerves) begin to develop in the region of the scalp. Eyes are pigmented and eyelids begin to develop and may fold.
Thorax - Within the heart, the trunk of the pulmonary artery separates from the trunk of the aorta. Nipples appear on the chest. Body appears more like a cube. Abdomen - Kidneys begin to produce urine for the first time.
Pelvis - Genital tubercle, urogenital membrane and anal membrane appear.
Limbs - The critical period of arm development ends, and the arms are at their proper location, roughly proportional to the embryo. However, the hand plates are not finished, but develop further in the next two days. The wrist is clearly visible and the hands already have ridges or notches indicating the future separation of the fingers and the thumbs.
Spine - Ossification of the skeleton begins.

This past weekend was a very busy, but wonderful. Saturday I was able to see many of my best friends as we gave a baby shower for another of our friends. Our shower went off without a hitch and a great time was had by all. Later that night we went out to dinner for another girls birthday. I don't get to spend nearly enough time with these girls since most of us live in different cities. I really cherish every moment that I get with them. They are the best! Sunday we celebrated my grandmother's 79th birthday. She's such a great woman and we just spent the afternoon visiting and catching up with everyone. It was nice.

BTW, Saturday myself and a friend of mine who is about 22 weeks pregnant ventured off to Po.ttery Barn Kids. She finished buying a few things for her son's nursery while I drooled. They have a crib in there that I would LOVE to have. Of course it's like a million dollars but still! They really have some beautiful stuff. It got me really excited to decorate!

This morning's appointment was interesting. At the last appointment my midwife told me that I would be having another ultrasound at my next appointment. Well, we got there today and there was no ultrasound. No big deal...I guess. I mean we didn't ask for it. The nurses and my doctor kept looking at us like we were crazy and all that. I tried to explain that we were only asking because that is what the mid wife had led us to expect. So, whatever...no ultrasound. Yes, it would have given me more peace of mind, but I understand. You know, insurance and all that. Here are the other highlights:

• Blood pressure fine
• I lost 12 lbs in two weeks. My Dr. was slightly alarmed. I've been sick, though. What was I supposed to do?
• Protein in urine...must do the 24 hour urine collection. Most likely from being dehydrated due to the fact that water makes me want to hurl.
• I have to see the doctor every three weeks instead of every four like a normal person.
• Dr. was nice, I liked her much more than I ever have before. She's so candid and frank. No b.s. It's great.

So, I do feel discouraged. Like everything is going wrong already. Why does it have to be like this for me? Have I mistreated my body THAT much over the years that it is rebelling so horribly at the thought of a pregnancy? I have no idea how to turn it around. Like I told the OP though, I will lay in the bed for the next 7 months if that's what it takes. I'll just do whatever. Whatever it takes.

God, please help me to do whatever it takes. Sustain me. Give me Faith.

Dear Tiny Life,

You are eight weeks old and growing inside of me! Tomorrow daddy and I will be going to the doctor and we will get to see you again. We are praying (along with a lot of other people that love you already) that you are fine and that you are growing right on track. We are so very happy and excited that you will be joining our family. Mommy took FOUR TESTS because she was so shocked to see that positive sign. I was shocked with excitement, for sure. Daddy was speechless when Mommy told him. Then a few minutes later he was whooping and hollering because you will find out that Daddy is not silent very often! We had to tell your Nana and Pappy about your existence while they were on vacation! It was so hard to tell them over the phone, but they were going to be gone for another week and a half and Mommy just could not wait! Nana cried, of course and Pappy was thrilled. We think that it made their vacation even better. When we told your big brothers they were very excited. They automatically thought that you will be a girl, but of course, only time will tell. Mommy and Daddy will be thrilled if you are a boy or a girl...it doesn't matter to us.

You will be a hard won baby. Mommy has already had some problems and I'm taking a lot of medicine in order to keep my body healthy. I want to make a good home for you and I will do whatever it takes to make that happen.

For the past two weeks you have been making Mommy feel very sick. It's not your fault, of course, but it's just Mommy's body's way of reminding me that "Yup, I'm pregnant!" This will probably continue for the next month or so and then I really hope that it goes away. The other day Mommy went to the grocery store and couldn't even make it all the way through the store. Last night Mommy had to give up her ticket to watch her FAVORITE basketball team play. Boo. I know that you are worth all of this, though. Mommy and Dadddy love you so much already!

Here is what the world is like during your 8th week:

• Main news story - The presidential election. Even though the election won't be until after you are born, right now there are primaries going on. Democrats are Hillary Clinton vs. Barack Obama. Republicans are John McCain vs. Mike Huckabee.
• Celebrities in the news (because your Ma loves her some celebrity gossip): Britney Spears is trying to get her life back together. Jennifer Lopez just gave birth to twins. The Jonas Brothers and Hannah Montana (Miley Cyrus) are taking over the world.
• Price of a gallon of gas is $3.19
• What's cool? "going green", Apple products, Ugg boots, skinny jeans, reality TV (probably not all that cool, but it is popular), little kids love High School Musical, texting, DVR, Starbucks, the internet, Wii, Guitar Hero
• The weather here is very cold, dreary, snowy. EVERYONE is ready for spring.

Tale of Woe

Here in the land of the nauseous things are still well...nauseous. Nothing seems to help. There's no rhyme or reason to it. I'm just trying to trudge through it and hope that I never have to actually puke. Although, at times I think that it would be better if I would just puke. Get it over with. Bow to the porcelin god. Ralph. Whatever you want to call it. It's not constant. Like right now I feel fine. In two minutes, who the hell knows.

I'm going to whine a little bit. This ickyness is really affecting my jubilation about being pregnant. Yes, I am still joyous and yes I'm still thrilled to be expecting. I wouldn't trade it for the world! BUT, I can't dwell on it right now because I don't feel good. There's no constant thinking about The Tiny Life. There's no dreaming of nursery designs and colors and strollers. None of that...at least for right now anyway. I really liked thinking about all that good and fluffy stuff. I want it back.

I'm not able to drink enough water. It's annoying me. When I drink a lot of water I feel like my body thanks me for it. That's just not possible right now. I haven't had a soft drink in I don't know how long. The thought of drinking a soft drink (diet, I mean) makes me want to choke. Amazing...absolutely amazing. Last Saturday I didn't eat much lunch (for the above mentioned reasons) so in the afternoon I was feeling better and went to W.endy's and got a single with cheese...no onions that could upset the tummy...nothing. I took a bite, then another bite and then I decided that it was nasty and threw it out. THREW IT OUT people! After two bites. This is unheard of in the life of Jen. I mean it...un.heard.of.

I never understood it or believed it when people used to talk about how weird pregnancy can be. Now I do. It does things to your body that you would have never believed were possible (i.e. I can't watch TV without falling asleep whereas I couldn't take more than a 20 minutes nap before...ever).

Also what is it with people telling me CONSTANTLY there own personal remedies for their morning sickness when they were pregnant. I was cornered by a co-worker yesterday for 30 MINUTES while she told me that when she had morning sickness she cured it by unbuttoning her pants and pulling her underwear down because anything touching her stomach is what caused her sickness. WTF??!!?! And she went on and on and on. Hello? Co-worker, thanks for the assvice but that was you and this is me. Not going to work...thanks. Sorry I'm just in a mood.

The Short List

• People keep asking me how I'm feeling and they seem to not like it when I say that I'm not feeling all that well. They give me this look. I'm thinking...why did you ask then? It's not as if I'm going to lie.
• I finally got to hold baby Ana yesterday! There's nothing quite like holding a 4 lb. baby. Definitely a unique experienced. She's beautiful and I can't wait to see her again.
• I'm already nervous about my appointment on Friday. Praying Praying Praying that everything is O.K.

Sick...The Beginning

I've been hit with a vengeance by this all day off and on sickness. It has not let up since Monday. I have no idea what I'm supposed to do about eating because I don't want to eat anything. What I do eat is usually bland, but that doesn't really work with my sugar monitoring. I'm preparing myself to feel this way for the next month at least. I'm also really trying not to complain.

It is a very weird feeling to feel so blessed to be carrying a baby and yet feel so bad because of said baby. It's...interesting, for sure.


Esophagus Forming
•••••
SIZE: 5.0 - 7.0 mmTIME PERIOD: 31- 35 days post-ovulationn
Head and NeckThe brain and head grow rapidly. The mandibular and hyoid arches are noticeable. Ridges demarcate the three sections of the brain (midbrain, forebrain and hindbrain). The spinal cord wall at this stage contains three zones: the ventricular, the mantle and the marginal. The ventricular zone will form neurons, glial cells and ependymal cells, the intermediate mantle will form neuron clusters and the marginal zone will contain processes of neurons. Adenohypophyseal pouch, which will develop into the anterior pituitary, is defined.Lens vesicle opens to the surface and is nestled within the otptic cup. Otic vesicle increases its size by approximately one-fourth and its endolymphatic appendage is more defined. Nasal plate can be detected by thickened ectoderm.ThoraxEsophagus, the tube through which food is swallowed, forms from a groove of tissue that separates from the trachea, which is also visible.Semilunar valves begin to form in the heart. Four major subdivisions of the heart (the trabeculated left and right ventricles, the conus cords and the truncus arteriosus) are clearly defined. Two sprouts, a ventral one from the aortic sac and a dorsal one from the aorta, form the pulmonary (sixth aortic) arch.Right and left lung sacs lie on either side of the esophagus.Abdomen and Pelvic RegionsUreteric bud appear. Metanephros, which will eventually form the permanent kidney, is developing.LimbsUpper limbs elongate into cylindrically-shaped buds, tapering at tip to eventually form hand plate. Nerve distribution process, innervation, begins in the upper limbs.

Overwhelmed

I went to see the endocrinologist that my Obgyn referred me to yesterday. She specializes in insulin resistance in pregnancy. I really wasn't nervous on my way there, but I left feeling overwhelmed and somewhat defeated.

She wants me to test my blood sugars four times per day and follow a pretty strict diet where I basically must count carbohydrates. When I add this to everything that I am already doing...wow. It's a lot. I'm trying trying trying to stay somewhat positive about all of this. But really, this is sucking some of the joy out of this pregnancy. I'm really down about it. Why couldn't my body just be normal? Why?. Of course, things could be much worse and I shouldn't complain. But, yuck yuck yuck. I mean if I keep track of everything that I need to keep track of for my body, I won't have time to think of anything else. I'm hoping that over time this will get easier. I guess that we will see. All I know is, that after this baby...MAJOR DIET. Obviously something that I should have done before baby, but didn't. Big Mistake. (not dieting, I mean). So, now I must deal with this, do the best that I can, and hope that that is enough.

Also, I must keep track of my readings. Then fax them all to her every Monday. Then I have to go to her office every three weeks. It's $50.00 every time I go see her. Plus the cost of the supplies for the meter. We're going to be broke before the baby even gets here!

Dear God, please sustain me during this struggle. I know that You are here with me, Always. Help me to not lose faith that this will all be ok in the end. Amen.

seven weeks

Big God, Little Life

I'm getting my a** kicked today by the peanut. I'm six feet tall and this Little Life is only milimeters big and it's winning today. These are my first real bouts of nausea. YUCK.

Yesterday I went shopping with my mom for a baby shower gift and I convinced her that she should go to Babies R Us to get the gift. We wanted to wander around a little bit and see what was available. Fun Times. Honestly, it is so hard to not start buying everything in sight for the little pip squeak. I'm just so excited (and so was she...I could tell) and I am inpatient by nature. Bad combination. I am going to wait, of course, but it's going to be hard! I want to register, I want baby things lying around the house, I want to do laundry with baby clothes in it. The level of anxiousness (is that a word?) that I feel is HUGE and I'm not sure that I will be able to deal with the next 33 1/2 weeks. Scratch that...I'm not going to have a choice so I better just buckle up and keep busy.

I can feel that I am already VERY emotionally invested in this tiny life. I'm just praying and praying and praying that everything continues to go well. I want to walk that fine line between not worrying at all and taking everything for granted and worrying too much. I know that I MUST enjoy this pregnancy. What if this is my only opportunity to be pregnant? I should enjoy this miracle that is developing inside of me. Savor every.single.moment. On the same token, though, I can't just walk around in la la land and think that everything is going to be just rosy with no pain in sight at all. No, I need to be realistic but not be a worry wart. The OP loves to call me that - a worry wart. meh.

I had not shed tears over this pregnancy until I was at church this past weekend. It took all of my self control to not just completely lose it. I shed a few tears and The OP knew that I was crying, but I was (thankfully) able to remain composed. There's nothing like worship time at church to remind you of how BIG God truly is. His BIGNESS was never more evident to me than at that moment. As I stood there worshipping He who gave me life, while growing a life inside of me. WOW, it is all possible because of Him. I never want to lose this sense of awe and wonder about pregnancy/impending motherhood. I don't care if I have one child or ten children...what a miracle each and every one of them will be.

six weeks, five days

C's Prayer

Tonight we sat down to dinner and we asked who wanted to say that prayer. C wanted to. In true C fashion the prayer took forever and he spoke very candidly to God, but it was what he said in the prayer that I will never forget. It went something like this. "Dear God, thank you for this food. Please be with the new baby. Help her not to get hurt. Help D and I to stay on green at school. Amen."

He remembered to pray for his little brother or sister! Absolutely amazing. Just a few weeks ago he prayed at the dinner table for the first time. He had always been afraid to before. I told him to just talk to God as if he were in front of you. Tell him what you need, thank him for what makes you happy and ask him for help when you need it. He learned pretty well, I guess! It was a beautiful moment.

BTW, when we told them about the baby, the first thing that they said was "We're going to have a sister!" haha...I guess we shall see.

Ultrasound #1

February 14, 2008 turned out to be one of the most memorable days of my life. At our doctor's appointment we had an ultrasound and the baby is in the right place, it's measuring the right size, and we heard the heartbeat! It was the most amazing sound I have ever heard. I will never forget it! I had told myself to not get too excited about the heartbeat since it was so early...so I just wasn't expecting it. The tech flipped a switch and we heard the most beautiful music of our child's beating heart. What a moment! What a miracle!!!

My weight was good, my blood pressure was perfect (thank you medicine)...it really was an all around great day. After the ultra sound they took us into the business office and laid all of that out for us. Financial-wise it doesn't really sound all that bad. We are going to go ahead and start making some monthly payments so that by the time the baby comes we are done paying or almost done paying. I was surprised to be taken to the business office...just wasn't expecting it.

We have told almost everyone. I'm seeing a few of my close friends tomorrow for lunch and I'm going to tell them then. Then I'll call or email everyone else. I had thought that I would be nervous or reserved about telling people about the baby, but I haven't been. It's been easy for me and I've really enjoyed it. I say "I" because The OP has not been able to keep the secret at all and has already told ALL of his family and friends. Typical OP. It was a little weird for everyone at work to know. We work at a construction company with a bunch of men and I've had rough, scruffy, dirty men congratulating me all day long! It has been endearing, really...I wouldn't trade it for the world.

Here's what's going on with the baby right now. I am 6 weeks 2 days according to LMP; 30 DPO.

The first thin surface layer of skin appears covering the embryo.
•••••
SIZE: 4.0 - 6.0 mmTIME PERIOD: 26- 30 days post-ovulationn
The arches that form the face and neck are now becoming evident under the enlarging forebrain. By the time the neural tube is closed, both the eye and ear will have begun to form. At this stage, the brain and spinal cord together are the largest and most compact tissue of the embryo.A blood system continues to develop. Blood cells follow the surface of yolk sac where they originate, move along the central nervous system, and move in the chorionic villi, the maternal blood system.Valves and septa may appear in the heart in Stage 12.The digestive epithelium layer begins to differentiate into the future locations of the liver, lung, stomach and pancreas.

Life Group

The OP and I have been seeking a way to broaden our circle of friends for a long time now. We both have friends, but it's just that we don't really have many "couple" friends. It seems that The OP doesn't like the chosen mates of my friends and I really don't like any of his friends. So, we needed to work on this. We LOVE to spend time together just the two of us, but still it's important to share our lives with others and we know that.



We belong to a wonderful Church in our area and we decided that the most wonderful thing we could do to become "connected" at said church would be to join a small group. So, last night we went to our small group "launch". The OP and I came away from it feeling v unsure. Let me explain.



I am 26 and he is 30. We have two children, but they do not live with us all the time, they live 45 minutes away. I do not have children...I am a step mother. The other couples at the launch were a) older than us; b) all the couples except one had been married for 10+ years; c) all of the couples had children 8 and older except one. One couple actually had EIGHT children, the oldest of which was 16. Our main objective for being in a life group is to make friends. Hopefully friends that will be lifelong friends. We are completely open to being in a group with people that are different than us. People who have children. People that make more/less money than us...whatever. But, we do want some sort of commonality. As I was sitting around the table last night I (we) just weren't seeing it. These women have experienced SO much more than I have. When we tell the people in our life group about the baby I want to feel like they sympathize and that they can relate. I don't need another mother talking to me about her experience (x 8). Being in a group and getting to know these people doesn't excite me and I think that it should...if this were the right fit for us.

As of right now I'm pretty sure that we are going to start from square one again. I hope that we are not making a mistake.

Tomorrow I have another appointment. There will be an ultrasound. I'm praying a lot.
6 weeks today.