Big God, Little Life

I'm getting my a** kicked today by the peanut. I'm six feet tall and this Little Life is only milimeters big and it's winning today. These are my first real bouts of nausea. YUCK.

Yesterday I went shopping with my mom for a baby shower gift and I convinced her that she should go to Babies R Us to get the gift. We wanted to wander around a little bit and see what was available. Fun Times. Honestly, it is so hard to not start buying everything in sight for the little pip squeak. I'm just so excited (and so was she...I could tell) and I am inpatient by nature. Bad combination. I am going to wait, of course, but it's going to be hard! I want to register, I want baby things lying around the house, I want to do laundry with baby clothes in it. The level of anxiousness (is that a word?) that I feel is HUGE and I'm not sure that I will be able to deal with the next 33 1/2 weeks. Scratch that...I'm not going to have a choice so I better just buckle up and keep busy.

I can feel that I am already VERY emotionally invested in this tiny life. I'm just praying and praying and praying that everything continues to go well. I want to walk that fine line between not worrying at all and taking everything for granted and worrying too much. I know that I MUST enjoy this pregnancy. What if this is my only opportunity to be pregnant? I should enjoy this miracle that is developing inside of me. Savor every.single.moment. On the same token, though, I can't just walk around in la la land and think that everything is going to be just rosy with no pain in sight at all. No, I need to be realistic but not be a worry wart. The OP loves to call me that - a worry wart. meh.

I had not shed tears over this pregnancy until I was at church this past weekend. It took all of my self control to not just completely lose it. I shed a few tears and The OP knew that I was crying, but I was (thankfully) able to remain composed. There's nothing like worship time at church to remind you of how BIG God truly is. His BIGNESS was never more evident to me than at that moment. As I stood there worshipping He who gave me life, while growing a life inside of me. WOW, it is all possible because of Him. I never want to lose this sense of awe and wonder about pregnancy/impending motherhood. I don't care if I have one child or ten children...what a miracle each and every one of them will be.

six weeks, five days