Baby Shower

Today I attended a baby shower for a good friend of mine. Her baby boy was born 5 1/2 weeks early so he's already here and set to go home from the NICU tomorrow. At this point in my life I LOVE baby showers. I had fun hearing about his birth, looking at pictures, playing baby shower games, watching her open gifts and when I left I left with a real sense of longing.

One of my other friends attended the shower and she is nine weeks pregnant. Another girl was there with her four month old precious little girl. LONGING

I wish for a baby so badly that I can feel one in my arms sometimes. I craved to hear about every little detail of baby Cal's birth. I want to hear about the good, the bad and the ugly. When the four month old's mommy started to talk about her bout with colic I was all ears. What book was that that you read I said? Ohh yes, Happiest Baby on The Blo.ck. You taped the vaccum cleaner to replay as she goes to sleep every night? Yes, I've heard of that. Other people in the room were looking at me like I was crazy. You aren't pregnant, you don't have children of your own. Why do you know all of this stuff?? and what was I to say? Because I'm obsessed with the idea of becoming a mommy? No, I gave my standard answer...I've just been around a lot of babies and my husband and I are THINKING about having a baby in the future. It's all true, but I have also done more research on conceiving a child, carrying a child, birthing a child and raising a child than I would care to admit. I do partly blame this fact on my job. Let's face it, my job is borrrrrring. It provides me with plenty of time to surf the net and feed my obsession. It's not healthy, I know. But, there is something to be said for being prepared for a huge change in your life. There's a fine line, though and I may have crossed it.

So, am I jinxing myself? I have backed off quite a bit since my diagnosis. I've handled this mandatory "break" pretty well if I do say so myself.

Here's a vent though. My very good friend that is nine weeks pregnant is just SO non-chalant about the whole thing. She just has this attitude about it. She's nine weeks pregnant and has not done any research, no preparation. It drives me crazy! It's like she's not interested yet. The only thing that I heard her say about the pregnancy was that she already felt fat and it was really depressing her. UGH!!!! I wanted to smack her. Where's the joy? Where's the desire to no more? Is she abnormal...or it could quite possibly be me...abnormal. Hey well, my health is abnormal so why shouldn't the rest of me be abnormal as well?

Abnormality - It's the new black.