Rant-a-licious

This is going to be a rant about The OP's ex-wife and my mother-in-law. (she's The OP's step mother so does that make her my step mother in law?)

Saturday night we went to The OP's aunt's house to celebrate his grandmother's birthday. All of the immediate family was going to be there. Now, let's review that The Op's father is married to his ex-wife's mother. Let's also review that the two families do not mix. The OP's siblings DO NOT get together with the step mother's siblings. We show up to the get together Saturday night and Aunt S informs me that my mother in law has said that the bee-otch is coming with her husband and bring the boys (D and C). I was in shock! Everyone else was in complete shock! I'm telling you that The OP's family (especially his brother and sister) H-A-T-E his ex-wife. We were all just completely dumbfounded as to why she came! I was SO mad at my step mother in law. She KNEW that Micheal and I are expecting a baby and that this would be the first time that we had been around his family since we found out and she had the NERVE to invite the bee-otch and her unfortunate husband! People wanted to talk to us about the baby, we wanted to talk about the baby, but nooooo we couldn't because SHE was there. Also, we have not told D and C yet. We wanted to tell them in person and not until after at least the first ultrasound. I mean I can't imagine anything worse than trying to explain it to them if something goes wrong. Talk about tension! It was absolutely horrible. Thank goodness for my sister-in-laws (it's not often that that phrase comes out of my mouth)...they really saved me. I was all for D and C being there. But seriously, their grandparents could have brought them! The OP and I just really felt like this was a slap in the face. I mean if I cannot even go to a family get together without worrying about seeing HER, then I just won't go. I haven't really talked to The OP about this...I think that I tried to block it from my mind. Why oh why do things like this always have to happen?

Frankly, the more that I think about it I blame my mother in law even more than I blame the bee. I'd like to just dot her in the eye.

Here's the weird part...

Ok, I'm about to blow everyone's mind. Here's my weirdness. BUT, I want to clarify that the only reason that I'm weird is BECAUSE of my husband.

The OPs father is married to the ex-wife's mother. So, basically the bee-otch is The OPs ex-wife and step sister all in the same swoop. Now, mamaw and papaw didn't get married until about four years ago, but let's face it this only makes this situation slightly less weird. The other saving grace about it is that The OPs real siblings really dislike Mamaw's daughters so we never have to do anything with them as "one big happy family". Thank. the. Lord.

The OP, though, actually likes mamaw's daughters (other than the bee-otch). So, at this present time my husband's ex-wife's sister and her husband are staying at our house. Now, if you didn't know all of that other background this would be weird. Heck...it's still weird no matter how you pull it. That's why when The OP told me about this visit, I was less than thrilled. I don't mind to spend time and visit, but they STAYED THE NIGHT. They are alone in our house this morning while WE ARE AT WORK. I'm taking them to the airport in a few hours. I hid a lot of stuff and I wish I had a camera to see if they snoop around. I like these two, really I do but I don't know them all that well and neither, really, does The OP. PLUS, the step-sister is always going to be the ex-wife's sister, first and foremost. I'm convinced that she is at my house this very minute going through our stuff. Looking in the boys room to see if we have adequate accomodations for them, looking through our night stand to try to find something incriminating, looking through our important papers, etc. I'm imagining it all. I've never had an experience like this. Ummm actually probably no one has had an experience like this. My dog better be in one piece when I get home. Of course my honey is not worried about any of this. He told me I was crazy. Isn't there some statistic that like 75% of people will look in the cabinets when they are using the restroom at someone elses home. These people have hours to do this. Then I'm wondering...what would I do if I were in their situation? I honestly have no idea. GAH...I can't wait until this is over!

step-mommy-ness

Well, from the beginning of The OP and I's relationship as soon as people found out that he had been married before and had two children they told me to turn around and walk in the other direction. They talked about how hard this was going to be and how it would probably not get any better and how difficult it would be to deal with the ex-wife. I was constantly nodding my head and I agreed with everything that they said. I had never dated someone that had been married before, but I DID somehow know that it would be hard. Boy...hard is just not a strong enough word for how difficult it is. No one ever talks about the stress of being the "new" wife/step-mommy. Yea, know one tells you that. Yes, it is MUCH harder on the kids than it would ever be for me, but the stress and the heartache that this entire situation has caused me is beyond words. Add to that the fact that this isn't something that is going to go away anytime soon...well, let's just say that I often have a bad attitude about it.

I want to clarify that I really do love The Ops sons, D and C. They are so close in age that they might as well be twins. They are beautiful children who can be down right angelic and fun to be around. I worry about them every single day and I often think that the stress would be easier on myself and The OP if they lived with us all the time, but they don't. We share. We live 45 minutes away from their mom so we only have them every other weekend. It stinks. I feel sorry for them. Divorce is such an ugly thing. You just can't understand how ugly and hurtful it is until you have lived it. Before I married The OP I knew nothing of divorce. No one in my family had been divorced. I was about to get a crash course.

Can I talk about the beeotch for a minutes. It makes me mad sometimes that The OP was married to her, I get mad that he has experienced life with her, I get even more mad to think about the fact that when I carry our child and give birth to it - he will have already experienced that...with another woman. Wow...blow to the gut. When I first realized this, it took me a while to get over it. Now, as we are about to hopefully embark on that journey together I have forbidden him from ever referring to his prior experience. Some people believe that this is ridiculous of me, but put yourself in my shoes. Seriously? Think about it.

Can I mention how difficult it is to share children? Here we have two children ages 7 and 5(almost 6). The OP and I sacrifice financially for them, we worry about them, we buy them things, we spend time with them, we give up a lot for these children, but yet we have no real influence on them due to the time factor. We aren't able to invest in them in the way that we need to. The way that we WANT to. The way that the boys NEED US TO. Let's face it The Bee and her husband are not exactly going to raise D and C like The OP and I would. That's hard to get over. PLUS, we have to deal with D and C and their behavior, which is often atrocious.

Here is my mantra..."Just do the best you can, you can only do your best...you have to be ok with that." Sad, huh?

Holiday Weekend Recap

Wednesday, November 21

• Annual Deer Roast at work. We have this in honor of all of our employess so that they know that they are appreciated. It's a nice event...even if management has to work their a**es off to pull the whole thing off.
• Go home and make corn casserole for Turkey Day.

Thursday, November 22 - ie; Turkey Day

• Go to Ohio with ma and pop...sans husband. He wanted to go hunting. He whined, he begged, he pleaded, he went. I really didn't mind actually. In hindsight, you will see that it was a good thing...Let's continue.
• On the way to Ohio receive call from good friend's husband. She is in active labor. Five and a half weeks early. Commence worrying.
• Eat at Grandma's. Protect my 4 year old cousin (who I love dearly dearly) from my aunt's crazy, spastic dog.
• Receive call from Husband's grandmother. The OPs father is in the hospital. Blood Clot in his lung. So, let's review about The OPs father. The OP and his daddy (yes, my husband is 30 YEARS OLD and he calls his father "daddy"...I think it's cute) are tight. When I say tight I mean the umbilicle cord might as well be attached between the two of them. So, when "daddy" goes to the hospital it's a HUGE deal. ALSO, the thing is that "daddy" is only 51 and he is in the hospital religiously. I'm serious. I'm not trying to make light of this fact but really, he is. So, I commence to worrying about "daddy".
• Receive call from good friend...the baby boy has arrived safe and sound. He's in the NICU but needs no help breathing. 4lbs. 6 oz. I'm breathing slightly easier now.

Friday November 23, 2007

• Visit Daddy in the hospital for approximately five hours.
• Eat lunch
• Go home and clean clean clean clean. By the way...T-minus 24 hours until the in-laws are packed like sardines into my little house eating my turkey. My stress level is at the maximum.
• The OP goes and picks up the boys from their mom. They arrive at our house with a fresh dose of nasty attitude and he and I want to strangle both of them within five minutes of their arrival. We proceed to really tick them off when we ban them from using the downstairs bathroom. They look at us with faces that say, "what the heck?". I explain that I already spent an hour cleaning that bathroom and I DON'T want to have to do it again. Little boys = not good at aiming for the toilette.
• We eat frozen pizza for dinner.
• I'm am struck with an EVEN WORSE headache than I have already had ALL day. I start to feel sweaty and nauseaus. I go to bed at 9:00. I feel absolutely horrible.

Saturday November 24, 2007

• The day dawns and I no longer have a headache, but am instead filled with dread for the coming 12 hours.
• "daddy" is still in the hospital. Still feeling a sense of dread and worry.
• The OP and I commence to a day full of cleaning, cooking, planning, and trying to time things perfectly while trying to keep the boys entertained and behaving. (I need to think of a nickname for them for this blog...I'll work on that).
• Receive phone call from "daddy" himself...he's out of the hospital. WHAT?!?! umm hello? He will be at the dinner tonight. Repeat look of amazement. How is this possible you ask? I have no idea....don't ask. Just go with it.
• Guests begin to arrive, the temperature on our 1st floor begins to rise, and rise, and rise. I begin to sweat and I don't stop.
• I'm cooking, re-heating what other people brought, setting stuff out. We eat. And then the clean up begins.
• I never knew my kitchen was so small. I'm overwhelmed. I'm still sweating.
• Sister in law gets ticked off. Long story.
• Everyone leaves by 6:30 (we ate at 5:15) except for The OPs sister. I'm thinking I did all that work for THAT!
• So, to quickly re-cap. The food and the presentation was amazing. I was sooooo proud of us. But, let's face it chargers and cloth napkins were lost on this crowd. The turkey was juicy, the mashed potatoes were perfection. Need I say more?

Sunday November 25, 2007

• My Birthday! Here was the plan. Go to church, go to lunch with the family, go see Fred Claus. That's what I wanted to do.
• Here's what really happened. Wake up, the five year old wakes up with a low grade fever and a sore throat. I go to church with the seven year old. The seven year old has an attitude and doesn't want to eat brunch with the family, I take him home to comiserate with his daddy and his sick brother. I eat brunch. My mom and dad come over with a homemade cake (have I mentioned how much I love my mother) and gifts.
• That evening The OP wanted me to go with him to take the boys to their mom. I said no. It was my birthday...not seeing her was a gift all to itself.
• I developed another headache and went to bed hoping that it would go away.

So, that was it. Five days of madness with not a relaxing moment in sight. Gotta love the holidays.

Fever Update

So, today I stepped up my metf.ormin intake to 1,000 mg. So far I've had very minimal side effects. As we have already established on this blog I am an worry wart. Basically I'm thinking that either I'm not going to feel the side effects until I get up to 1,500 mg or it's not working at all.

I have done a horrible job about working on my diet and I haven't been to the gym in A WEEK! I just can't help it...this Thanksgiving thing is really overwhelming me and I just can't do it all. I know that I have to, though. So, next week I will. I promise.

Does anyone else in this world feel like the internet is a double edged sword? Through the internet it's like the world is at your finger tips. Shopping, researching, chatting, anything you want it's there. For me, it has become too much. I read blogs, I read message boards, I read medical papers....and all of these things are scaring the shite out of me! I just can't help it though...I just keep reading. What I'm reading is not good. Why oh why do I torture myself?!?!?

Also, here in the land of Thanksgiving...I'm tired of cooking. Why is my family like this? Here's the list.

1. Sunday - Thanksgiving w/ Dad's family; pumpkin pecan pie, asparagus casserole, spinach artichoke dip
2. Wednesday - Thanksgiving at work; brownies, no bake cookies (enough to feed 80 people)
3. Thursday - Thanksgiving w/ Mom's family; corn casserole
4. Saturday - Thanksgiving w/ the in-laws; Turkey, mashed potatoes, gravy, cooked carrots...also add in clean the entire house to this list.

Also, here in the land of Christmas shopping...little boys have boring clothing. That's why I need a little girl (PLEASE GOD!!!). Boys wear jeans, track pants, t-shirts, sweatshirts, and polo shirts. My boys won't wear sweaters, vests, zip up hoodies...blah blah blah. Their mother has ensured that they don't have good taste.

I'm cooking up a post about being a wife to a person with an ex-wife, being a step mom, etc. We'll see.